My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
Randomize
