Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
