I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
Randomize
