Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
