I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Randomize
