I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
