Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
Randomize
