Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
Randomize
