i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
Randomize
