I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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