So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
