im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
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