I never want to see another naked old woman again.
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
