I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
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