I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
Randomize
