You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
