Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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