I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
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