dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
I checked into jail on foursquare
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Randomize
