I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
Randomize
