I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
Randomize
