I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
Randomize
