That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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