He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Randomize
