By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
She is in my trunk
i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
