how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
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