Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
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