Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
