we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
