i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
Sober January is a disaster.
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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