There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
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