He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
