I have demons in me.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
Randomize
