WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
