Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
Randomize
