1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
17 year olds will be the death of me.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Randomize
