I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
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