My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
Randomize
