He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
Randomize
