Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
Randomize
