nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Randomize
