There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
Randomize
