Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
Randomize
