dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Randomize
