it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
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