She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
