I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
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