i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
