you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Randomize
