i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
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