hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
i think i have herpe
just one?
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
Randomize
